A Case For Human Rights

In a recent Pew Research report, out of 100 Americans surveyed, an astounding 99% responded that they strongly agree that human rights are good. In fact, did you know that some of the most prominent figures in human history were actually in favor of human rights? As it turns out, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Danny Devito were all strong supporters of human rights during their respective lifetimes.  

For those out of the loop, human rights are defined by the United Nations as any rights pertaining to human beings. However, one should not make the mistake that many kindergartners make. In order to ensure that one is talking about a human right, take out your pointer fingers and thumbs in such a fashion that produces a right angle with both of your hands. A human left is, of course, the side of you which produces an “L” with your hand from your perspective. Concurrently, a human right is the opposite side to that.

As it then stands, I’ll come out and say it. I, Jack Dougherty, am for human rights. This was a very brave act on my behalf, so please, shower me in praise and applause for saying what had to be said. Only an organization as courageous as the Keynote would publish a position as controversial as this, so many thanks do go out to the brilliant work of this publication on ensuring diversity of thought.